You’ll never guess who I ran into at the Armenian
border! No, not the Kardashians. The reason you’ll never guess is because it’s
highly unlikely you read the vague reference to them in a photo caption for
Shaking Free of Sheki’s Shackles* and decided to store that little nugget of
information away for later in case it became useful. I certainly hadn’t tucked it away and it took
me a while to register who it was when a British couple in a Range Rover rolled
up and we both looked at each other in a “Oh, hey, what’s up? Yeah, just chillin’ at the Armenian border”
kind of way (you know what I mean by “that look,” right?) without actually
remembering why we knew each other.
Nevertheless they offered me a ride to Vanadzor and we had a great old
time visiting Armenian monasteries and eating at a roadside/riverside café on
the way there.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to Armenia, or if you’ve
ever typed into Google “What is there to see in Armenia” but the answer is
churches. Show me an Armenian, and I
will show you someone who will not stop talking about how amazing and unique
each church in Armenia is. They have
every reason to be proud of their churches, as they were allegedly the first Christian
kingdom in the entire world and these churches have serious staying power despite
being surrounded by Islamic powers.
However, as the old adage goes, an Armenian church is an
Armenian church is an Armenian church.
After two (2) Armenian churches, I was ready to discover what else
Armenia had to offer, and prove wrong that
awful, awful Cypriot in Constantinople who told me to avoid the country at
all costs.*
If I had to draw a dichotomous tree of all people in the
world, I think the first fork would separate those who have heard of Kim
Kardashian and those who have heard of Armenia.
Unfortunately the two sides are almost irreconcilable. Somewhere along the line, reality TV devolved
from a brilliant sociological experiment that shone a spotlight on the
contemporary human condition into a bunch of lusty and shameless 40-year-old
women drinking sweet rosé and telling each other to “Google [each other].” So you can imagine how no one in Armenia was
as interested in discussing the Kardashians as I was. So if you go to Armenia with the high hopes
of walking onto a
Keeping Up with the
Kardashians set and dealing with the same problems that family does day in,
day out, then please read no further and go to Armenia right now. You will be so disappointed and I would love
to be there to document that disappointment and turn that into a reality TV show.
Oh, and I guess it’s worth noting that after I woke up from
my red wine and khinkali binge episode, I hopped on a marshrutka to the Armenian
border with a transfer in Marneuli where I watched two marshrutka drivers
absolutely pound the living shit out of each other on the street. I don’t understand why the Caucasus has so
much large scale, organized strife when each group itself can’t even agree on liking each
other. You’d expect the Caucasus to
devolve into a simple Grand Forks—Trail-style rivalry instead of instances of
large scale genocide. I mean, really,
that takes a pretty top-level approach that the average marshrutka driver seems
incapable of employing. In any case, I was in Armenia!
*The reason I am meta-hyperlinking like a pro is because when you click on it, it actually increases the page views so when I check my stats I’m all “Oh heeeey, 10 hits this month! And only 6 of them are me!”
**I am so sick of
people telling me not to go to Armenia!
I feel like everyone I have ever run into has either told me to not bother
going to Armenia, and in some cases to avoid it at all costs, or they have not even mentioned Armenia at all. Not just Azeris, but Westerners as well, and
Westerners who I believe have inherently bad taste. If anyone has the authority to advise against
going to Armenia, it’s me.
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