Chaihana Hijinks

Just writing about my feelings in this Chaihana in a mountain pass we were stranded in for the past day that I eventually ended up needing to sleep in and I kind of knew it at the time this photo was taken but I was in denial.  Guess what my feelings were.  Just guess!

Around 6am I heard some sort of commotion and everyone seemed to be coming alive.  Even the guy who slept sitting up in a plastic deck chair.  I used my traveller's instinct to deduce that the gates would soon be opening, and that I should probably get down to my taxi (you'll remember that I had already paid the driver, and he was under no obligation to deliver me to Dushanbe).  I found that one of the Pamirians had slept in my seat, and he obligingly got out when I opened the door, and I climbed in, excited for the adventure that awaited us.  I quickly passed out onto my backpack and drooled all over it, which was really gross to have discovered when the vehicle lurched forward because were actually moving, at around 9am.  It was slow process, but we managed to butt our way through, thanks mainly to the fact that my driver was such a pushy, impatient, and generally intolerable human being.  

Upwards we climbed, with several other co-travellers trying to pass us and cut corners and sliding out because these were tiny vehicles with tiny tires trying to make it through the snow.  We made it about an hour up, switchback upon switchback, and then discovered that there was another queue at the very top of the mountain.  So we pulled over as instructed, and waited.  I asked what was going on, but answering my questions seemed to be the last of everyone's concerns at this point.  So I got out and took a walk around.  It was cold.  Like, really cold.  We were way up at the top of the pass, and it was windy and snowy.  There was nothing up there too, except some bombed out outhouse.  

I walked further up and reached the absolute Apex of the pass, and saw that on the other side they were still clearing away the snow to allow the column of cars coming the other way to pass.  It looked like a generally long and arduous process.  One of the cars at the very summit was an Alfa Romeo, which I thought was a totally impractical vehicle to have brought along.  And then it turned out that the driver was the son of some sheik from the UAE who was with his friends and who had to sleep in the car overnight because it had gotten stuck and all they were wearing were thin Ralph Lauren sweaters and they had put towels over their heads and shoulders because the wind was so strong.  They spoke perfect English and explained that they had gotten stuck the night before and no one would help dig them out so they needed to sleep and nearly froze.  They asked me what on Earth I was doing there, and I thought, "What am I doing here?  WTF are YOU doing here?  I am from cold weather climate and I am wearing a wool coat with gloves, boots, and a scarf.  You are from a desert."  But it was all pretty implicit.  They were heading to Khujand and said that I could go along with them if I wanted.  I was tempted, as it looked like there was no movement happening with my ride.  But then, there was also no movement from their side either.  

As the day wore on and it looked less and less like there was going to be any progress, the woman in the very far back (hold the phone, I said, there has been someone back there the whole time!?) started wailing and asking if she could sit in the front seat because she hadn't moved in 1.5 days.  UGH, I said.  Fine.  So I hopped in the very back, and took off my boots, and quickly realized that my long legs were not meant for this sort of thing. I have a serious problem with my legs being restricted and not being able to fully extend my legs, and it creates pretty extreme anxiety on my part.  In fact, one of my biggest fears is being trapped in a cage where my knees are constantly bent.  Or being stuck in a Winnie-the-Pooh style hole on which my shoulders are stuck but my head is through so I don't have my hands to protect my head from anything that may come my way, like children who kick my face or an animal licking it.  This is actually a fear I have.  I am squirming thinking about it as I type.  

Literally my nightmare.

Anyway, my new biggest fear is being trapped in a crappy Jeep in a mountain pass in Tajikistan.*  It was absolutely panic-inducing.  I was going batshit crazy trying to figure out how I would resolve this problem.  The old woman said to me that we probably would have to sleep there again for the night, but I wasn't sleeping anywhere if I couldn't extend my legs.  We were also running out of food but the driver of a sausage delivery truck had a keen eye for capitalism and had opened up a small shop.  My own driver had offered me some of the highly processed sausage but as I looked at it, my Hungarian snobbery took a hold of me and I decided starvation was preferable to subpar charcuterie.  I nibbled on some stale bread and as cabin fever increasingly gripped my already reasonably unstable mind, I contemplated grabbing my backpack and hitting the ol' dusty trail.  Either down towards Dushanbe, or back towards Khujand.  I knew going back to Khujand I could find some farm house along the way and ask to sleep for the night.  But this would be giving up.  And going forward I had no idea what awaited me and how far down it was, and whether or not this was one of those false summits, like when I was in Georgia last summer and I just couldn't quite make it to Batumi by foot.  The alternative was staying in the car and just being miserable about the leg room situation and then possibly freezing to death in the car.  Oh, and I hadn't brushed my teeth in a day and a half, which was unbearable.  I resolved that no matter what course I took I would be unhappy, so I resigned myself to this and tackled another chapter of my book.  

Around 3pm there was some sort of signal and a slow column of cars started coming down the other lane.  One was the Alfa Romeo being towed by a large truck.  The Dubai prince saw me and yelled "Do you want a ride to Khujand?!" and I was tempted but I didn't want to give up.  I have the rest of my life to go on road trips with fabulously wealthy and irresponsible children of Sheiks, so I decided to stick it out and see this one through to the end.  And thank goodness I did because we almost immediately got the car to start moving.  We slowly inched towards the top of the hill and began making our descent through some of the muddiest and slushiest roads I have ever seen.  But it was no match for our vehicle and we made it to Aini in no time, the small village at the foot of the pass.  

*I've been stranded in a mountain pass before.  Several times.  Growing up on a large country estate in the wild mountains of British Columbia was a constant struggle.  When I was a tree planter we encountered a washed-out bridge and had to be helicoptered out.  When I was in Slovakia in 2007 I foolishly bought a ticket on a train that terminated in a small mountain hamlet and didn't have any money and ended up needing to hitchhike to Roznava.  In Kosovo I...just made bad decisions.  But in Tajikistan, I really, REALLY thought I had this on lock.  I had so little on lock.  Tajikistan doesn't even have it on lock, and they've always been so on top of their game.  

I started filming a video about my feelings in front of this abandoned building and it turned out to be an outhouse with several women going in and out of.